Unabridged Me

JUST ANOTHER WRITER

Thoughts are bouncing in my head like wayward balls from a ball pit.

I think I have one in my grasp, and it slips off my finger tips to bounce around the concrete cavern of my mind. More often than not to get lost in a corner somewhere.

As mentioned before, the largest issue is when the thought occurs.

Today was no different. We had yet another birthday party to attend. The son of a friend is turning four. Since they have two younger children, they hosted the party at a local trampoline gym.

I was familiar with the location, having thrown our own toddler party there, so my normal strange environment anxiety wasn’t kicking in. Being around people I didn’t know, eh. We’ve been to their house for parties, I knew in general who I would see.

However, the sensory overload was more than expected.

In May of last year we had a tremendous hail storm. I was still working out of the house and spent my days about 20 miles south. The storm dumped water where my office was located, but coming home I passed snow plow trucks pushing a foot of hail from the roadways.

The summer has been filled with door to door solicitors and sounds of nails banging into roofs.

West of the city received the most damage, including the mall where the trampoline gym is located. Most of the mall is still closed, nearly six months later, with some peripheral locations opening.

What that means is everything within the gym is newer than it was last spring. In designs for children, newer means brighter. Full rooms of carpet with pops of neon color jumping out in rapid pattern brighter.

Okay, I got this.  Just don’t look down.

Which was fine to a point. Until I noticed the smell. The carpet and interior still had a bit of straight out of the warehouse chemical smell, which they tried to hide with fruity air freshener.

Just breath shallow.

The party started as soon as the place opened, so before I knew it The Wall was pumping loudly from the speakers and tons of screaming children were running around.

The music was not an issue. I like Pink Floyd. In fact, their odd choice of music for a children’s venue helped me to focus on something other than screaming, shrieking, yelling, and crying tiny beings all around me.

So many children running around, attracting and repelling like atoms. No sense of boundaries or self, children change course mid thought causing collisions between adults trying to not run over the tiny being.

But I survived. Vivian had fun. And as we were driving away I started having amazing ideas for writing. Deep thoughtful ideas about tiny humans and not so tiny humans.

Yup, I said I was driving.  All I managed to hold onto was the beginning line to this post.

So here I am wondering what else to write. I’ve led you up to this point where I am in the car, having amazing thoughts, and then boom… nothing. Kind of disappointing, I know.

And that’s how I feel when I have thoughts bombarding my brain in locations where I can do nothing to transcribe, record, or even notate. While driving home I attempted to stop my brain from thinking. If I don’t allow my brain to move through a concept, and I focus on developing the perfect opening line, than it should all still be there when I’m ready to write.

Right?

Wrong.

My brain doesn’t listen to me. My mind wanders as I drive, even as I focus on operating a machine. As I slow down for a red light, my brain thinks about how to describe the carpet. As I check my blind spot and change lanes, I focus on the confusion regarding music choice.

And it’s not just thoughts, words are developing and forming. Amazing phrases are flowing through my head like a sparkling stream from one ear to the other. I sit in awe at the beauty flowing past.

And then straight out, a waterfall of words.

I will never know if the thoughts are really that spellbinding. Or if the words are interesting enough beyond not using the every noun. Because once it’s thought, it’s gone.

Today was a busy day, way busier than I prefer. After the party and a nap, we took my

20171029_001126

While my mom was driving, I was taking pictures.

mom to the airport. To return just in time for another party.

 

This time we went to my in-laws for their Halloween party.

My sister-in-law and I were talking about my posts and having thoughts in the shower and driving. She recommended we get a recorder for me so I can record my thoughts while driving.

A water-proof recorder, of course.

And that idea was kind of brilliant. I don’t think I would ever use it, though. Mostly because starting a new habit is difficult and takes focus. The reason I have most my ideas while driving or in the shower is because my brain is not otherwise occupied. It’s free to do it’s thing while muscle memory and sensory input take over.

And I listen to music while driving. Which gets my brain all creative like and into a different zone. Talking out loud would definitely interfere with my (poor) singing.

Until I can solve for where I am when ideas drop from the sky, I will continue to post blogs late at night when I can patch together something I hope is similar to my thoughts. Sleep deprivation seems to have the same conduit affect as showering and driving.

I just have to keep myself off Twitter.

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